I'm gonna make a mistake, I'm gonna do it in porpuse, I'm gonna waste my time...

So there, I was listening to her, talking about her experience, and how pity her ex employer was with her leaving…I wasn’t really pain attention to anything she was saying. In fact, I was thinking how her teeth looked so weird; somehow it was reminding me of my grandmother. In general all I could think about was that now she is my employee, and taking 3 bucks from the company’s money isn’t cool at all, fuck how in her other jobs she could do that, here you have to adapt yourself, that kind of behavior is not allowed. I sound so powerful.
Thank god my partner call her, clients were waiting. I didn’t want to listen to her winning, just don’t take the money; don’t forget it in your pocket, that is so stupid. Thou I was scared she would want to continue with the explanations, and CLARIFY everything…really I don’t care!
I always thought that explaining mistakes is not necessary, the mistake doesn’t go away, its there still, and plus, people take 1 hour least, to say how sorry they feel, and how they didn’t mean it…Well I will never understand how you felt, I mean I wasn’t you at the moment so… just say sorry and leave, I’m not up to your tears.
After that I just left on the office table a list of week duties, and went away.
Yeah that was early morning today, so by that you can imagine the rest of my day…
I did, and solve, so many things today that I actually felt tired and busy. I mean most of you know I’m a lazy ass, but today I had my right to just chill and relax, I earn that right today, but it didn’t occurred as I planed.
By the end of the day I was terrible, fucking terrible, tired, hungry, looking like crap and smelling bad. All I needed was a shower, a cappuccino to gain my strength and go to college.
To my surprise, when I got home after listening to the wonderful Garden State soundtrack, my keys weren’t on me; I left them with my sister in the house. As I was killing myself out in yells and almost crying out of annoyingness…I mean, I just wanted to get home, get home… BE HOME…
Anger, anxiety, annoyingness and regret took me over.
I swear I wasn’t reasonable anymore, I couldn’t think straight. I was busting into tears on my house front door, knocking intensively without brakes; screaming my sister’s name, fucking up my throat … fuck I just wanted to get home… HOME dammit! I earn it, I fucking earn it.
Multiply everything by 1000000000…

I WAS A FUCKING MESS.

The thought of braking the glass was hunting me, I was knocking so hard already…and it happened… I broke the glass, into tiny little pieces, cutting little tiny pieces of glasses, on the street, inside my house, on my shoes, and on my legs...
At the moment I wasn’t really believe my action, or better, reaction… truly I don’t even slam doors…even worse brake glass doors…I was so scared that the tears wasn’t out of rage, was fear… WHAT THE FUCK HAVE I DONE??!!
So I’m burning a Zero 7 – simple things CD, while writing this.
Eventually I missed class, cut my foot, lost 90 bucks for a guy to come all the way from Nucleo Bandeirante 9pm to fix my door at least for the night…300 bucks will go for me to find and put a glass that match exactly the one above it.
SUMS: 390 bucks for door + tiring work day + brigadeiro ( I needed it ) + the absence of compassion for my employee + no class + Zero 7 CD + cut foot + a subject for my blog at 00:53 that people were asking for.
Solution = What do I do? I LAUGH!!!

"I'm gonna fuck it up again" - A Mistake

Fiona Apple