Took my cranky sorrow for some modern art fun.

There I was. Made sure I was sitted very high, away from the stage, well not quite a stage, but where the actors would perform. Those modern things, where the audience are everywhere around the stage. They tend to interect with the audience, and Im afraid of that.
I was feeling pretty lonly, not only for the fact I was alone there, but also, these past weeks were weird, awkward things where happening in all sorts of situation, I smoked, cried at least twice everyday, if only it wasnt for him, maybe it wasnt...Well that shouldnt be concerned by now.
So add all feelings up, and considering that right before arriving in the teather I was crying my last week tears – it was Friday night – I managed to be far away from everybody else, and sitted between two empty chairs, a good strategy by the way, no one bothers.
I was analysing pretty much everything in this very very very egocentric way, mostly how that atmosphere would interfere in my state of mind.
The theme was FEAR.
This man started to talk, about his childhood traumas, explaning where this teathric group was first thought of. Then it begins, lights went low, but my good esolation spot was getting me annoyed for one single deal, there was this intense yellow light, right in front of me – fuck – but soon I got used to that strange light.
I would describe everything, but I was there mostly for a friend, one of the actress, so among all that crowd, my eyes were always trying to follow her, not only for her pretty milky white color, but also for the strongest reason I was there, support. I could be in class or even watching a movie, but I was there.
Took my cranky sorrow for some modern art fun.
So, since I was drunk with my egocentric thoughts and deals, deep down my shitty ashamed covered sadness, I was listening to everything very carefully, but some of what was said didnt mean anything to me. This last part tho, in the very end, took lots of my attention. Not only my friend was doing it, but also for the monologue.
Lights were off, there were 8 candles, arranged in 4 groups of 2, shaping a square, and right in the middle, there was a chair. My friend, the actress, was sited at it, arguing about love issues, how she should forget all about it, cause lovers never come back... normal pms thoughts, I suppose. And, as I said, it was a monologue, there was her conscience, talking over, and denying everything that was being said. “I hate him”, “ No, I love him”, “ He will never come back to me, never!”, “ Well, tomorrow is a new day, he might call” and so on...
That was so conforting to listen to, not only for the good lightening and the great performance of my friend, but because if you ever had the same experience...its just so true, and so embarrasing. It is what truly happens. One force oneself to accept a certain circustance for own good, and at the same time one’s conscience is saying something else, completely different from what it was said. It pisses one off. Its a dialogue monologue. One feels naked and insecure, and also dressed up and secure. Its so tirying and anguish, it kills.
Hmmm I loved it, truly did. It was a mirror to my state of mind in that moment, and seeing other people apreciating it, made me feel normal, part of it.
So as it finished, she came to say hi and thank for my presence, I even met her mom – again, maybe she forgot she’ve introduced her before –. Was fine that she noticed my presence, she came right to where I was standing in the end of the play, next to my KEEP AWAY wall.
Maybe was because I felt that we made eye contact once or twice while the play was going on, and when that happened, I said by telepathy “ yeah, its me, Im here for you!”