Im ill

An unexpected sore throat, really, as if God was sending me some sort of sign.
It started yesterday night, I’m feeling much better already, antibiotics, need to love them and they will love you back. Anyway I feel especially depressed today, my entire body aches.
I must read.
Oh yeah, the doctor with fucked up tips of finger asked me if I was a smoker, shamelessly I said no.
My life has being a big waiting room for quite a while. Allow me to share my knowledge about waiting room, I’m an expert.
I happen to be in one right now, waiting to do this heart exam, and this middle age blond lady keeps staring at me. That is for sure the most important deal about the waiting room. You are so fucking bored that when you finally – after quite a long time waiting - find something silly, pretty stupid, but for the moment somehow amusing, to do, the other boring depressive fellas keep staring at you.
Fuck, my head aches so much, my entire body aches today.
The thing about timeless waiting-rooms is that, at first you find yourself bored, fucking depressed, and extremely annoyed, this state, the Real State last for about 20 to 25 minutes. After, you are just so bored, depressed and annoyed that you force yourself to pass the Real State and go into the Dreamy State, where you forget where you are, what you are waiting for. You loose your track and have a blast time with yourself. You can either be reading this new magazine about how do monkeys fuck while eating each others parasites, or be in this looney world thinking about napalm and orange juice, if those really make a bomb. In the Dreamy State anything can happen, and you forget about the waiting, truth is, you actually enjoy it now.
Then, BOOM!!! Something snap you out of it, FUCK!
The Queen of the waiting-room, in my case the lady in white calling the names, just called the next person, and then you remember who you are, how boring and fat you are and your name will never be next one to be called.
Back to the Real State.
Fact: After you get from the Real Pissed State to the Walt Disney, then back to Even More Pissed Real, you will never know where you are at. This magic portal opens and you stay is this huge zombie autopilot going back and coming forth. That is why people can live their whole life in a waiting-rooms, it’s vicious.
Unexpectedly, just like my sore throat, the portal closes, and your name is finally called. What you were waiting for is happening, and somehow you don’t know how to react. Once you had doubted so many times your certainties, and you got very, very close on giving up, you will never know how to fully appreciate it, never!
- Oh, Its me?! Oh, ok!
***
Oh, I think I’m going to fake death… for sure if I fake death they will call my name. Oh no man, I couldn’t! I could, its just that im too fucking lazy to fake death, it would be quite a scene thou.
Stupid doctors.
Im out of my Dreamy State, fuck! Stuck in my depression for quite a while already… Hmmm I think I might be getting my period.
The girls here don’t know anything about anything, how stupid is that? I just hate people who cant make decisions,!
- I don’t know!
>>>FUCK THAT!
I have dropped some tears, maybe be they will show some condolence. I love to cry man; I wish I was an actress, seriously. Drop a tear; you get what you want… maybe I should cry a little more.
Its 12:30pm, my appointment was at 10:40 am, WHAT THE FUCK?
I’m going to pretend I’m way more depressed then I actually am.
I love how this ink smells!
You know what will make me cry faster? Thinking about that doctors tip finger… Ewww! Shame on you Dr. Douglas.

O amor, a paixão e outros males.

Caro leitor,
quem é essa de seios pequenos e quadril largo que ousa lhes informar algo sobre tais males?

Ora, se de todo ser humano se pressupõe que penso e logo existo, se dá a qualquer um de polegar opositor o credito de falar qualquer coisa sobre qualquer coisa. E se todos sabemos que nada sabemos, concluo que a curiosidade é quem nos dá o sopro da vida.

Eu me encontro numa crise que se deu antes da passagem do ano e persiste em continuar depois dessa. Não classifico como crise crise, são pensamentos infundamentados que estão me consumindo bastante tempo todos os dias. Talvez por ter colocado como objetivo nesse ano pensar mais e ler mais e, já lhes aviso que esses dois estados levam a morte.

É o PI para o amante de literatura.

Descobri que a vida é minha para criar e que me foi dado esse estado de células e órgão com face e pelos, e com esse crio o que bem entender. Mas eu trapaceio, é mais fácil e bem mais gostoso. A trapaça por ela já é linda, tem 3 as e cedilha. Me permito trapacear e pouco me importa os que não trapaceiam, afinal ela é minha e quero criá-la assim.

São dois vetores opostos, essa é a tensão, tem-se o querer e o poder.

Dum lado, os amantes do ego, querer é poder.

Doutro, não pode então não pode. O poder é bem mais ativo que o querer, então trabalhemos com ele.

Como conclui que a curiosidade é quem nos dá o sopro da vida, afirmo que nunca estamos satisfeitos, porque sempre há mais o que saber. Apresento então a maior tensão do homem: Pude mas não quis, quero mas não posso.

Eu que nunca amei, quero amar, mas não posso amar, mas eu que sempre me apaixonei, posso me apaixonar, mas não quero me apaixonar.

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